An Epiphany

I’ve been all stressed out about Korea and trying to make a decision about staying, going, and what to do after, when it FINALLY happened! As Dan previously mentioned, my major life decisions are usually made with absolute finality and come like a lightning bolt from the sky. I almost never second guess my decisions because I’m always super positive they are right ones, and if I do make a wrong move, I know it’s wrong the whole time because of the way my brain is screaming, “THIS IS WRONG AMANDA! ALL WRONG!” Usually my epiphanies come late at night, but in this case it was after a particularly arduous day at work. I just thought to myself, “If Dan wasn’t here, what would I do?” And I KNEW. I would simply leave in August, take the $10,000 I had saved and move to Latin America. I would live off my savings as long as I could (probably eight months), maybe work a little, or maybe not, and then go back to the states in the summer of 2011 to start grad school. This was sooooo obvious. There are simply no other options. I need A LOT of rest and relaxation after this crazy culture. I need time to figure out which grad program I want to apply to and some time to do that. I need fresh air and to get back in shape. I would also like to practice my Spanish.

I immediately spoke with Dan about my thoughts. He LOVED my idea! All weekend we have been trying our best to figure out a.) Where our money will go the furthest b.) Where we will be the safest c.) Where we will love it the most.

So we are for sure leaving in August! I can’t wait to not HAVE to get up in the morning. Seriously, waking up at 7am is NOT COOL.

We also just booked tickets to Beijing for six days at the end of July. Absolutely cannot wait for that. I really hope these next few months just fly by, and I’m sure they will, because that’s how life is in the ROK!

Decision making processes

The title of Amanda's post is disingenuous. She has a pamphlet. She keeps it hidden in a box under the wardrobe that only her special medieval Japanese key can open. I've seen it. It's ten to fifteen pages long, bright yellow and green like Green Bay Packers season tickets, and she's on the first three pages. That means there's plenty of adventures yet to be had.

In the beginning of our relationship I said that our decision making processes were like the American government, hopelessly constipated. I kid. I'm the legislative branch and she's the executive. I come up with all the ideas, more ideas than I really should, but I want everyone to feel like I'm busy and they're getting their money's worth so I outlaw random things like marijuana, ferrets, alcohol. She has veto power and I can't get a goddamn 2/3 of myself together on anything to override it so it stands like that. Sometimes she oversteps her constitutional authority and introduces legislation or unilaterally declares war. But I let her do that because she's so darn cute.

I prefer schemes that fit together elegantly. Accomplishing something in a short amount of time, or realizing a goal when there's just enough time for it. I just never accomplish anything because I use the time allotted to accomplishment to come up with new plans. It's just so damn fun. Fitting all the goals together, personal, romantic, financial, is very important to me because I am German and in love with efficiency. I reverse course often enough don't get me wrong, but even if I don't have all the goals lined up right away when I reverse course, I am usually quick to pick up a piece of the puzzle that had to be ignored for a short amount of time.

Amanda waits for the almighty to smite her with knowledge. Waiting for an epiphany, like the wise men for the star, she persists in what she does until the brink of insanity. Unlike other people we can't do one thing for substantial periods of time, we lack the routine gene (I'm a poet!). Then the skies part and she realizes the path laid out for her. She takes it confidently.

When you're in a field all paths are open to you, one step this way, one step that, a zigzag pattern or tangential lines. Each step is a new decision. On a path, only one step is a decision the rest is preordained. A crossroad is only a decision with three options, in the field all steps have as many options as a compass has degrees. I've always seen life as a field, being spoiled for choice is one of the best ways to ensure that each choice is difficult, full of second guessing.

The only prerequisite of the paths or steps we choose for the future is that they include each other (cue Awwww moment). I'm not going to say which options I favor. You'd think me a madman.