Korea: An Alcoholics Paradise

Imagine yourself in a world where you had a great job, worked about 25 hours a week, a rent free apartment, lots of paid holidays, and cheap, cheap, CHEAP beer and liquor. Add in the almost complete absence of police or laws governing drinking, the indigenous people thinking that you are crazy already, and there you have it, South Korea.

Back in the states I drank. But I did other stuff too. Like go to school and serve sausages to obese people. Who wants to do that hungover? Going out also cost more than my pitiful serving wage and high cost of living could afford every weekend. Portland is a sweet place to live and party in, but damn is it expensive! Korea is a completely different ballgame. Here’s some reasons why:

• As previously stated, it is cheap to drink. A pregame Ministop session costs $1 for a bottle of soju and $2 for a Gatorade. Now you’re nice and buzzed. Continue on to a Korean bar for some $2.5 beers or $12 pitchers and you’re feeling pretty damn good. Head to the foreigner bar for some overpriced import beers ($4) or tequila shots ($5) and you’re pretty much blacked out. Move to the club to make a fool of yourself and pay $10 for a bottomless cup of cheap Korean beer and your night has cost about $50. Rinse and repeat. Don’t get me wrong, you can definitely spend more than this, but you don’t need to!
• The bars don’t close. If you want to drink they will stay open. Even if they kick you out, you can find another bar. Going home at 7am with the sun coming up is not unusual.
• No consequences for anything you do. No DUIs, no drunk tanks. Nuff said.
• There is ALWAYS an excuse to drink. People are constantly coming and going, weddings, ho downs, holidays, camping, traveling, new bars opening, it’s Thursday night, whatever. The party never stops.
• Drinking is pretty much the social game. If you want to meet new people you have to go out. The hook-up opportunities are prevalent, especially if you happen to have a vagina or if you are over 6 feet tall with blonde hair and blue eyes.
• No family obligations. Except for the few waygookin (foreigners) who actually have wives, husbands and children here, you never have to worry about bringing shame on your family by showing up to holiday gatherings still trashed from the night before. No disapproving looks from your mom, no one asking about your drinking habits. Facebook has security settings; no one has to see those pictures from last weekend!

Sounds like a real paradise doesn’t it? So, why in Obama’s name would two young, twenty-some things VOLUNTARILY give up the giggle juice? Stay tuned….