It's Erection Time!

Well it's everyone's favorite time of year. Erection time, wait, election time. There's an election going on in Gwangju. And only the creme de la creme of the citizenry is asking for the populous' patent permission to govern our fair valley. I have no idea what their platforms are, but my only guess is that there is a More Kimchi Party and a More Samgyupsal Party. A cabbage on every plate or a piece of pig butt on every flatiron. I can only imagine the ferocity of the debate.
For the purposes of this article I'll be romanizing the Korean names in a way that actually makes sense. Newsflash, revised romanization committee, you're retarted. I came up with a system that accurately reflects Korean pronunciation in the English alphabet in ten minutes and I know 100 words in Korean on my best day.

First we have Mr. Im Joang Dae. He's my friendly neighborhood split-level house face man. When he talks his left eye moves because it's horizontally parallel to his mouth. I think he's running for some kind of city council seat from my district (there are 5 in Gwangju), because the poster says something about Buk-gu, the originally named North district. He's too old to be from the more progressive More Samgyupsal party, so he must be from the More Kimchi party. Good luck to you Mr. Im.



Here is Mr. Nam Pyong-oh. The great challenger of Mr. Im Joang-Dae. Maybe, he's running for something in Buk-Gu, but his office has a word after it that Mr. Im's doesn't. So maybe Mr. Im is running for a city council seat and Mr. Nam is running to be mayor of the district. I think that might be it, Mr Nam means Mr. South and he's running for office in the North district, ha ha. Either way, you can see he's an adherent of the More Samgyupsal ideology. Full of new ideas, with the new fashionable fake eye wear that all the kids are wearing, a casual oxford shirt without a tie and a smiley thumb pointed upward. He's the kind of guy you could have ten bottles of soju with at the norebang, a real Korean GWB.


Mr. Kim Who-Jin who's on first? I never knew that the kid who sat behind me in biology class and breathing through his mouth would end up being a Korean politician. I have no idea what he's running for but I'm pretty sure Kim Who-Jin is a card carrying member of the Kimchi party. He might be trying to act cool, but it's got a hollow ring to it, like a fat sophomore wearing Oakleys. The Samgyupsals would never have him. What I particularly like about this picture is the word "new" at the bottom after new it says "reedaw (leader)" in Hangul.


Kim Young-Moak will devour you all. Tall as a building, with a suit of the darkest black, woven of the night sky and the shattered dreams of young girls. You will submit to me, your new person who holds a position in municipal government. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.


Oh hai! I didn't see you there. I was just down here tying my athletic shoe strings. You know what I'm talking about, the shoes that allow you to perform most efficiently when tossing a ball around the park with your dog or executing vigorous calisthenics. Anyway, I'm Mr. Jaun Kap-Gil, and I'd like to talk to you about the Samgyupsal ideology. Pork fat is nutritious and cures cancer much more effectively than the kimchi that my competitor who is as tall as a five story building is peddling around. Here's a study where the conclusion has nothing to do with the experiment. That should prove my point.

There are more... but in the words of Amanda, "I'm tired."