Falling off the wagon

After 127 days sober Dan and I fell off the wagon. Hard. I actually think the wagon ran us over at some point in the night. Why did this happen? Was there a death in family or some other catastrophic event that drove us back to the bottle? Nope. It was a going away party/ concert and sheer boredom. Last Wednesday was children’s day here in Korea, so we had the day off. Cool. Then my school magically closed on Thursday and Friday. With Dan and everyone I know at work, I was left at home bored out of my mind. I don’t do unemployment well. There are tons of things I could have done, but without anyone to do them with and no time frame to get them done, I achieved absolutely nothing. Then it hit me. I should just get drunk. Yep, this was the solution to all my problems! I called Dan and told him. Guess what he said? That’s sounds like a fantastic idea, let do it. So we drank three drinks at home (BTW Cafri tastes like shit if you haven’t had beer in 127 days) and went out to the bar. Crazy Horse was super fun, catching up with all my old drinking buddies and watching a local foreigner band. I was happy I got to say goodbye to Katie; I probably wouldn’t have seen her if I hadn’t gone out.

Leaving Crazy Horse is when things started to go downhill. I honestly couldn’t tell you what happened after that. I heard a rumor we went to Bubble Bar, this was confirmed later by the appearance of my purse still located there. The next thing I remember is coming to in a taxi, alone, and having no idea where I live. It took me a long time to remember, much to the taxi driver’s fear and amazement. I finally did, and he drove me home, then I guess I just ran out of the cab being that I didn’t have any money or my purse with me.

Next thing I know I’m waking up in my bed with Dan next to me. With the worst hangover EVER. Like I got hit by a baseball bat 50 times in the head. Dan was equally a wreck.

I guess when I got home, at 5am, we got into a huge fight. I think I was mad at him for leaving me at the bar? We always joke about how I have some kind of split personality when I’m drunk. We call her Amber. She’s crazy. Getting into fights and making poor decisions is her specialty. When Amber is around I don’t remember ANYTHING. Amber does a fantastic job of fucking up my life, which is why I don’t like to let her out of the closet. Therefore I can’t drink.

Getting trashed just reminded me of why I really shouldn’t drink. Having big spaces of time I can’t remember is not cool. Fighting with Dan is really not cool. Feeling like shit for not one, but TWO days is ridiculous. So now I’m back on the wagon. For good, hopefully. Dan has decided that abstaining completely is actually not a good idea for him. He’s going to start drinking in moderation again. He knows now that if he completely cuts himself off he won’t be able to say no as easily when I suggest drinking. It is really difficult being sober here especially with no one to really support you. So now I’m back to day one again, just taking it one day at a time.