Dear Korea,

You Suck.

I’m often asked how I like living in Korea. I generally answer that it’s okay, and then list off some perks of living here. For some reason I don’t like telling the truth about this country, probably because I don’t think all Korean people are that bad, they just do things in a way that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. Here is my real opinion of Korea:

1.) Korean people have no idea what time management or efficiency is. They think that spending 10 hours at work, doing nothing, is better than 5 hours, being productive. Their work ethic is raved about around the world, but anyone who has ever worked here knows this is complete bullshit. They spend a whole lot of time doing nothing at work. I don’t want to do nothing at work! I want to teach and go home! I don’t care if I have 7 classes or 1 class per day, after those classes I want to go home.

2.) Due to #1, Koreans miss out on many of the joys of life. Like seeing their children grow up, relaxing, spending time with friends and family, traveling or just doing what they want. They are constantly stressed out and exhausted.

3.) I feel terrible for the children in this country. They are expected to go to school 6 days a week, then off to the hogwon for afterschool classes, often being away from home from 7am until 9pm. ELEMENTRAY SCHOOL STUDENTS! Dan literally has students who go to 10 different hogwons during the week. Don’t even get me started on the high school students who LIVE at their school and sleep 5 hours a night. This type of schooling deprives them of any chance they might have at developing the social skills and creative thought needed to excel in today’s marketplace. Korean’s think they are securing a place for their children in the world, but instead they are preventing them from developing into well rounded human beings who have critical thinking skills.

4.) Everything in this country is about image. In my classroom I have a new computer, huge flat screen TV, and a state of the art projector. My desks and chairs are all new, as well as the windows, doors and blinds. When they did this $30,000 remodel on my room, I asked for basic flashcards, paper and pencils for the students. I was turned down. My students do not have an English curriculum that makes any sense. I have students that have been studying English for 6 years and do not know the alphabet. If my students do not have the basic tools needed for learning, why the fuck would I need all this technology?

5.) They cannot do basic things. Especially when building anything is concerned. In my last apartment the corners of my bedroom were not square. This was a brand new apartment. On the front of the building a huge piece of granite just fell off into the parking lot. WTF??? In my current apartment they attempted to “fix” the toilet and sink by attaching them to the tile with cement. Not grout, cement. Cement is not a sealant! It all just washed away and now my bathroom floor is just covered in little cement particles. Water pours out from under the sink onto the floor. This type of thing is not usual at all. They might be okay at making electronics, but I would NEVER hire a Korean to build anything I wanted built correctly.

6.) They lie. This is called “saving face.” In western culture it is LYING, pure and simple. If they fuck something up, instead of just saying they are sorry and fixing it, they push the responsibility onto someone else (preferably a foreigner) and try to cover up their mistake. This drives me INSANE. Please just be straight with me! The language barrier is bad enough without the lying!

7.) The nationalist pride is insane. Early on in life Korean children are taught that Koreans basically invented the wheel, the only food proper to eat, the best language, that they are by far the smartest people, strongest people and simply the most perfect country on the face of the planet. Heaven forbid their athlete is disqualified from an Olympic event; this has to be the fault of someone else. Ugh, this shit gets old real quick, especially considering I’ve been to 10 countries and I’d rate about 8 of them above Korea in every way possible.

8.) Confucianism is bullshit. Sorry, it just is. Believing that someone is smarter than another because they are older is stupid. And men are above women in society? Give me a break. I understand some people do gain experience and wisdom with age, and we should learn from that. But some people don’t learn or change, and frankly I’m not going to bow down to them just because they are older than me!

9.) Koreans sometimes lack an understanding of basic science. Kimchi cures AIDS and cancer? WTF? They think fermented cabbage with red pepper paste can cure just about anything. In reality, it can cause stomach cancer and ulcers if eaten too often. Then you have “fan death.” A significant portion of Koreans believe that if you fall asleep with the fan on and the door of your bedroom closed you will die. Seriously. The fan will somehow suck all the oxygen out of the air and you will die. I don’t even know how to respond to Koreans when they bring this shit up.

10) The driving practices in this country are rude and downright dangerous. Koreans in general, have no respect or regard for pedestrians. In my new neighborhood, the streets are pretty narrow and clearly not wide enough for cars to park on both sides with space for people to drive between them. Additionally, there are no sidewalks. So every day I am honked at while I walk to the bus stop because I am taking up their precious space in the street. THERE IS NOWHERE ELSE TO WALK! All of this would be solved if they just made the streets one-way, and only let people park on one side.

I truly believe every single Korean should be forced to go to driving school. I am a big fan of driving like you have somewhere to be. In the states I get pissed because people drive under the speed limit. But here, either they drive way too fast or way too slow! They are on the phone, texting, watching their television (yes TV in the car, on the dash, specifically so the driver can watch it) or their navigation system. Completely distracted and driving too fast. Running red lights, not yielding to pedestrians, I could go on and on. I have been genuinely afraid many times.

11) There are more things that drive me insane about this country such as K-Pop passing as music, Koreans thinking they know English but they don’t, their racist views on black people (and pretty much anyone not Korean), their inability to decide anything in a punctual manner and changing things for no reason at the last minute. The incredible ignorance about differences in people, including learning disabilities and mental illness is difficult to deal with. I work with children who are clearly autistic or have Down syndrome, and it is not acknowledged at all.

So why, you might ask yourself, would I want to continue living here? Well, like any place, there are good things and bad things about Korea. Also, some of this is shit I’d have to deal with, on some level, back home anyway. When I get back to teaching, after a solid month of sitting at my desk doing nothing, I might remember why I enjoy living here. Then I’ll write about it!

Peace!
A